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Posted on February 9th, 2020 by Don Cerow

      Samuel Langhorne Clemens, better known as Mark Twain, was born on a town on the banks of the Salt River, about 50 miles from where it joined the Mississippi. While his birth time is unknown to this author, much can be gleaned from a chart cast for noon of that date.  

      Both his Sun and Moon are in Fire signs, the Sun in Sagittarius and the Moon in Aries. This makes him full of piss and vinegar. He is vibrant and dynamically in touch with life. There is a confidence and personal pride that goes along with this combination, a strength of character that earned him the honors of being called an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher and lecturer. Some call him the greatest humorist this country has ever produced, while William Faulkner called him ‘the father of American literature’.

      With his Mercury in Scorpio and Uranus in Aquarius he was bold, dramatic, and not afraid to call a spade a spade. He was a champion of American literature, wading in to this country’s literary adolescence in the 19th century. While Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn were his two epic works, his one-liners also set him apart.

         Like his Sagittarian Sun Sign, he gets straight to the point.

         “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”

         “The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.”

         “There are lies, damned lies and statistics.”  

         “If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it.”

         “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

         “Patriotism is supporting your country all of the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

         “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

        “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

         “It is no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

         “If you tell the truth, you won’t have to remember anything.”

         “Of all God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man. But it would deteriorate the cat.”

         “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way.”

         “Prejudices are what fools use for reason.”

         “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

         “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

         “Sing like no one’s listening, love like you’ve never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching, and live like it’s heaven on earth.”

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